What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
