You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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