So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
