im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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