I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's never too late to be topless.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
