there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
