She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
