At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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