Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
