I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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