come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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