I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
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Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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