so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
