WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
