If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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