I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
