So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
