there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
