the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
