Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
