My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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