yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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