I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
