Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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