I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
