Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
