I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
