Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
