My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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