Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
