i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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