I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
