I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
