I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
