And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
