I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
