OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
