I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
