this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
