apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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