Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Enjoy the penises
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
