so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
