Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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