Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it because I queefed?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
