she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
