I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
