God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
