Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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