I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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