Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
