Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
