Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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