Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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