Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
