dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
