It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
