dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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