I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
