i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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