I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
