Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
