is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
