i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
They have beer where we have blood.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
