Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
