so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
