Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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