we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
