Me. At least after what I've been through.
Duck Duck Cougar?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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