I heard we made out
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
