he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
