Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize