It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He better not be in your backpack
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
