I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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