I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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