My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
