He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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