how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
