the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
