Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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