so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
